I can swim.
So I know exactly what happens when you stop moving in water that is over your head.
You sink.
I also know what happens when you spend too much time replaying one conversation, one disappointment, or one unanswered follow-up.
You get stuck.
Here is a confession: Shhh, just between you and me.
I am a flawed human.
I overthink. I replay conversations. I spend far too much time thinking about situations. Sinking when I should swim.
Which brings me to a receipt I have been carrying around for a few weeks. It is time to file it.
I met someone who felt like an obvious fit.
We had a good conversation. There was real energy. It was the kind of exchange where both people say, “Let’s keep talking,” and you believe they mean it.
I followed up thoughtfully and on time. I included something useful, not just another “checking in” message.
Nothing.
I followed up again.
Ghosted.
Weeks later, I learned that the opportunity had gone to someone else.
My first reaction was to go directly into “me” mode.
What did this mean about me?
What could I have done differently?
Why was my effort not recognized?
Here’s the thing: When I become bogged down in a “me” moment, there is often too much emotion surrounding my thoughts for me to see the situation clearly.
Don Miguel Ruiz wrote The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. One of the agreements is:
“Don’t take anything personally.”
That sounds simple.
It is not.
But when I do step back and stop taking everything personally, I can examine what happened through a more productive lens.
Was there something I could learn?
Was there something I needed to change?
Was there something I simply needed to release?
Not taking something personally does not mean refusing accountability.
It does not mean ignoring constructive feedback.
It does not mean pretending that something did not hurt.
It means separating the lesson from your identity.
Something can go wrong without meaning there is something wrong with you.
Someone can misunderstand you without you becoming unworthy.
A person can choose another direction without that decision becoming a verdict on your value.
This is where a personal reaction becomes a networking lesson.
When you put yourself in rooms with other people, not every connection will develop the way you hoped.
Someone may not respond to your follow-up.
Someone may promise to make an introduction and forget.
A potential client may choose another company.
A relationship you once valued may no longer feel reciprocal.
It is easy to interpret those experiences as a verdict on you.
They are not.
People are carrying full lives, competing priorities, private struggles, changing goals, and concerns you may know nothing about.
Sometimes the timing is wrong.
Sometimes the connection is not aligned.
Sometimes the answer is no.
And sometimes there is no answer at all.
That’s okay.
Three Things to Do This Week
Feeling better about it is not a strategy.
Here is what you can actually do.
1. Check the Movement
Open your contacts and find the connection you keep replaying in your head.
Write down the last time you reached out and the last time they reached out to you.
Who initiated the last conversation?
Who suggested the next step?
Who followed through?
If every date and every action belong to you, you may not be nurturing a relationship.
You may be carrying one.
There is a difference between nurturing and forcing.
A purposeful relationship has movement on both sides. Both people show interest. Both people contribute. Both people make room for the relationship to grow.
2. Send One Clean Close
Do not send another vague “checking in” message.
Send one short note with no guilt, no pressure, and no attempt to force a response.
For example:
“I have enjoyed connecting with you. I know priorities shift, so I will leave the ball in your court. If the timing becomes right, I would be glad to reconnect.”
Adapt it to your voice.
Then stop.
You have done your part, and you have done it with dignity.
3. Replace, Do Not Ruminate
For every connection you release, add one new name to your follow-up list.
Reach out to someone else.
Attend another event.
Restart a conversation that once showed genuine promise.
Regrets over a stalled relationship will expand to fill whatever space you give it.
Give it less space.
Fill the space with movement.
Here Is Today’s Relationship Receipt
Do not allow one disappointment, one unanswered message, one misunderstanding, or one person’s decision to convince you to stop building meaningful relationships.
Take responsibility for what belongs to you.
Learn the lesson.
Release the rest.
Keep swimming.
“Just keep swimming” is the advice Dory gives in Disney’s Finding Nemo.
It is simple advice, but it applies to networking too.
The goal of Meet People on PURPOSE™ is not to turn every person you meet into a client, referral partner, collaborator, mentor, or friend.
It is to enter each room with intention.
Remain open.
Follow up thoughtfully.
Pay attention to alignment.
Nurture the relationships that are reciprocal.
And stop chasing the ones that require you to do all the work.
Not every connection is meant to continue.
That does not make the original connection meaningless.
Some people enter our lives to teach us something. Some introduce us to a new idea. Some help us see ourselves more clearly. Some walk with us for a season.
Some stay.
Some leave.
Our job is not to force every person to remain.
Our job is to recognize the receipt the relationship left behind.
There are more people to meet.
There are more rooms to enter.
There are more conversations to have.
There may be something, or someone, on the other side of the water that you could never reach by standing still.
If your network is full of names but short on reciprocal relationships, join us on October 13 for the next virtual event from The Art of Business Networking (TAOBN™).
Save your seat for October 13 →
Our rooms are structured to help you make intentional connections, have meaningful conversations, and leave with clearer next steps for building relationships that can grow.
Because networking is not the problem.
Random networking is the problem.
Let’s keep swimming.
